It’s been over 5 months since I left full time employment to follow my so called ‘dream’ and passion of not only being a full time photographer but also of living a life which would be worth remembering.
And as I sit here, back in Ireland during my now monthly visits to see my parents, I realise that in fact nothing much has changed.
Well actually that is not entirely true as a lot has changed, but sadly not always in a positive manner. As I wrote in a previous blog post I’ve been thinking much more about death these past few months. The lack of a full time day job, and with it not only the loss of structure but also a lot more time for my mind to go wandering into pretty deep and dark places, has meant that I feel like I’ve actually gone backwards.
I actually feel in a much worse place than I was when I was employed full time. On one hand this is of course very worrying, and yet on the other it perhaps proves that despite the money, the security and the structure, these were actually hiding my deep down unhappiness – which perhaps were alway there.
I realise, in fact we both see, that to make a significant step forward we need to, for perhaps the first time in our live, take some risks. On the outside, to others, it perhaps looks like we have lived a semi adventurous lifestyle. I mean we have been on two round the world trips, visited some far away exotic locations including an African Safari. And yet, over the past 5 years these trips, amounting to around 20 weeks in total, have been the only time we have taken risks, and indeed the only time we have been really happy.
Don’t get me wrong, we like many folks, have continued to tick over. We have, at times, accepted that this is in fact it. You work. You make a certain amount of money. You spend it. You sleep. You work. And so it continues. The forever hamster wheel of living keeping our minds from actually thinking about the importance of our remaining time on the planet.
We have been talking more seriously over the past few weeks about our future and I firmly believe that happiness should not only happen during the 5% of our lives when we are doing the adventurous, but actually in the other 95% of our daily lives. And for that to happen I believe we need to start taking a few more risks.
Standing over the pan the other day I cracked an egg and proceeded to make an omelette. Don’t get me wrong at times I quite like a hard boiled egg, but at that moment I realised that for me to get anywhere near making an omlette a few eggs had to be broken along the way. Now I’m no cook (despite the name) and am easily distracted so let’s say the omlette didn’t exactly turn out how I envisaged it, however with a bit of extra mixing, some additional mushrooms tossed in I still had quite a nice scrambled egg and mushroom frittata – and very nice it was too.
Made me realise that breaking eggs along the way was a necessity and despite the change of plans I ended up with a much nicer meal than a simple boiled egg.
So it’s time to break a few eggs and certainly take a few more risks with an eye on the future we are working towards but also being willing to accept changes along the way and not only adapt to these but to embrace them.